Section 30

I’m dedicating this week’s picks to my good friend Buck over at Statefans Nation.  My picks are in bold; the home team will be the one after the word “at,” just in case that is confusing for any of you.

Ohio state and Michigan play this week?!?!  Where have I been?  Why hasn’t there been any coverage of this?  Isn’t this like a really big game or something? 

Oakland at Kansas City (-10)
No way the Raiders cover two weeks in a row.

Indianapolis (-1.5) at Dallas
I know they had that huge win in Tempe last week, but Dallas can’t win two in a row and they won’t cover either.

Cincinnati at Saints (-3.5)
Brees & Co. should beware.  The Bengals faced FJ last week; after that, this game should be a Brees.  (I didn’t even force that either, just came to me.)

Pittsburgh (-3.5) at Cleveland
Since all the Cleveland fans will likely be dead or arrested after Saturday’s game in Columbus, the home field advantage won’t help much here. 

Tennessee at Philadelphia (-13)
Just keep throwing it to Stallworth, my new keeper!!  Eagles roll.

Atlanta at Baltimore (-4)
Looks like Ray Lewis is out, so Dunn might be able to run more effectively to set up the pass for the greatest QB in the history of football to complete 34% of his passes.

St Louis at Carolina (-6.5)
I’m weary of the Cats for a second straight week.  This pits two great WRs.  The Rams cover because it’s back to being all about Kasay.

Buffalo at Houston (-2)
A-Train!!!!  Unfortunately, it won’t be enough.

New England (-5.5) at Green Bay
No way Brady loses three in a row.  And since Farve had no INTs last week, he’s even more due for a handful. 

Washington at Tampa Bay (-3.5)
Campbell versus Gradkowski.  NFL excitement!

Chicago (-6.5) at Jets
Ok, Ben.  I’m listening to you.

Minnesota at Miami (-3.5)
Oh, the drama.  A once dominant QB in Minneapolis is now the washed-up backup in Miami…  There’s a 15-minute segment for NFL Countdown in here somewhere.  I really hope Stu Scott does it, too.   

Detroit at Arizona (-3.5)
Um…listen, I’m in a playoff race in ESPN.  I have Boldin and Edge.  Yes, I know I’m an idiot, that’s beside the point.  This is a good week for those two to help me out.  But I know that won’t happen, so Lions roll. 

Seattle (-4.5) at San Francisco
NFC West football.  Outstanding. 

San Diego at Denver (-2.5)
Did you ever know that you’re my Hero/And everything I would like to be/something something something/You are the wind beneath my wings.

Giants at Jacksonville (-3.5)
Fuck Brandon Jacobs.  Giants recover as Jax continues to slip.

Hello boys and girls, it’s time for the Week 11 edition of the “Who’s going to win in the NFL”
. I applaud the Good Doctor’s valiant effort last week. But he’s about to get owned a 2nd time in as many weeks (courtesy of Transaction Jackson). That being said, would the next contender please stand up? El Capitan? Wagon formerly known as Chuck? It don’t matter really. The winners are:

Raiders at Chiefs (-10)

I can’t imagine the Chiefs being better with Trent Green back in the lineup. And losing Gonzo may be a problem. Division rivals, Chiefs at home will not have problems covering at home.

Colts (-1.5) at Cowgirls

Colts had one bad week against the Bills and they get their respect taken away. Colts will scorch the Cowgirls to go 10-0. Look for Addai to have a monster game.

Jail birds (Bungals) at Saints (-3.5)

Two awfully over-rated teams, with no defense duking it out. This week’s shootout alert. 38-30 Saints.

Steelers (-3.5) at Browns

Fast Willie is taking names. Brown will continue to look for a suitable go to guy…and continue to fail. Steelers will cover in the snowy Cleveland.

Titans at Philly (-13)

13 points is a lot even against the Titans. Philly’s D is playing the pass great, but against the run, they are mediocre. Take the Titans and Henry’s newfound running game.

Dirty Birds at Ravens (-4)

This is my “upset” pick of the week. Ray Ray just had his back drained and without him in the lineup, the Ravens are giving up plenty on the ground. Which plays into Atlanta’s strength. Falcons pull it out on Ancient Anderson’s 36 yard FG.

Rams at Thundercats (-6.5) NO PICK

I made a near fatal mistake last week and actually pick a Panthers game. Although I was dead on, I saw in the first half what me picking the fate of my beloved team can do to them. So from this point forth, I will not be picking any Panthers game. With that said, GO Thundercats!

Bills at Texans (-2)

A-train is carrying the load and the Texans are only good against the Jags. Bills win.

Pats (-5.5) at Packers

Brady and Favre, it doesn’t get any better than that. Pats will prevail and cover against the Packer’s 31st ranked passing def.

Redskins at Bucs (-3.5)

Two young QBs and two bad teams. This will get the U-G-L-Y Alert of the week. Skins takes it.

Da Bears (-6.5) at J-E-T-S

This game will be over at half time. The Bears D will eat Pennington.

Vikings at Fins (-3.5)

Fins playing well and hitting their usual late-season stride. Fins at home covers.

Lion at Cards (-2)

Ewwwww, another ugly one. Lions will take this one in the desert.

Seahawks (-4.5) at 49ers

This is a tough. If Hasseltrash and Alexander plays, the ‘Hawks will win by 21. But if they don’t, they’ll win be a mere 6. Seahawks will cover.

Bolts at Broncos (-2.5)

Bolts D just isn’t the same with out their Steroids Duo (Castilla and Merriman). Broncos cover at home.

Giants at Jacksonville (-3.5)

Really haven’t figure either of these teams out just yet. Giants to this win one in Florida.

That’s all folks. And remember, the information presented above is strictly for entertainment use only. All money lost as the result of the information presented above will not be subsidized by the writer’s non-existent annual salary.

Well, I took the week off, so I can’t say much to Slim.  Plus, his fantasy team whipped mine.  Although I still have a solid lead over the crowd chasing me.  Portis is a pussy.

We’ll check in on how Wang and the good Doc did:

Baltimore (-7) at Tennessee: (0-1-0) Got the win but couldn’t cover.  Gotta say that VY is doing better than I thought.  Gotta thank Chow….

Buffalo at Indianapolis (-12.5): (0-2-0) The good Doc’s Bills actually played this week…

Chicago at N.Y. Giants 1:00 p.m. (Pick ‘em): (1-2-0) Go with the Bears my friend..nice job.

Cleveland at Atlanta (-8.5) 1:00 p.m.: (2-2-0) Called the upset.  Get a little credit here….

Green Bay at Minnesota (-5.5) 1:00 p.m.: (3-2-0) Only two TDs for Favre, but Green Bay covered..weird to hear that this year.

Houston at Jacksonville (-10.5) 1:00 p.m.: (3-3-0) Houston pulls the upset…How about a QB controversy for both teams?

Kansas City (-1) at Miami 1:00 p.m.: (3-4-0) Fins turning it around, just like last year…winning AFTER it matters.

New Orleans at Pittsburgh (-4.5) 1:00 p.m.: (3-5-0) Brees did have a good day, too bad the NO D didn’t…

N.Y. Jets at New England (10.5) 1:00 p.m.: (4-5-0) Another nice call. 

San Diego (-1.5) at Cincinnati 1:00 p.m.: (5-5-0) EERIE……

San Francisco at Detroit (-6) 1:00 p.m.: (6-5-0) the UNCC team wins…

Washington at Philadelphia (-7) 1:00 p.m.: (7-5-0) Easy call, but got it right…

Denver (-9) at Oakland 4:05 p.m.: (8-5-0) Denver fails to cover…….

Dallas (-7) at Arizona 4:15 p.m.: (8-6-0) TO catches at least one TD…..

St. Louis at Seattle (-3.5) 4:15 p.m.: (9-6-0) Nice call on a close game

Tampa Bay at Carolina (-9) 8:30 p.m.: (10-6-0) Eerie part duex

Nice job Wang.  Best week by anyone so far.

Now that the good Doc can understand that bold is for the home team, not his picks:

Baltimore (-7) at Tennessee: (0-1-0) D not so impressive, huh Vince?

Buffalo at Indianapolis (-12.5): (1-1-0) WOW

Chicago at N.Y. Giants (Pick ‘em): (1-2-0) Why must I constantly inform people to not pick agaisnt my Bears

Cleveland at Atlanta (-8.5): (2-2-0) Nice call

Green Bay at Minnesota (-5.5): (3-2-0) barely, and only narey a pick

Houston at Jacksonville (-10.5): (3-3-0) poor Garrad is right, but the Texans win

Baltimore (-7) at Tennessee
Here’s to Matt Stover; without him I’d likely be 2-7 instead of 4-5 (ESPN). Ravens’ D covers on its own.

Buffalo at Indianapolis (-12.5)
McGahee was doomed the minute I accepted that trade (Yahoo). If only Musberger could call this one. “Touchdown A-Train!!” My Bills cover. Seriously.

Chicago at N.Y. Giants (Pick ‘em)
Giants D: Welcome back, Rex Grossman (Yahoo).

Cleveland at Atlanta (-8.5)
Give the ball to Warrick Dunn, please (ESPN). Browns cover.

Green Bay at Minnesota (-5.5)
Donald Driver (Yahoo). But then again, Farve is due for a 3 INT game.

Houston at Jacksonville (-10.5)
Poor David Garrard.

Kansas City (-1) at Miami
Seriously, I had Huard (Yahoo) for Peyton’s bye week…he had -2. Imagine that. LJ will be too much.

New Orleans at Pittsburgh (-4.5)
Joe Horn is out, of course (Yahoo). I’m not picking against Nawlins anymore this year.

N.Y. Jets at New England (10.5)
Seriously, I added Brunell to “shore up” my QB spot, so luckily I don’t have to start Pennington (ESPN)

San Diego (-1.5) at Cincinnati
These QBs were both under the tutaledge of Norm Chow. One is the Messiah. The other I have a much lesser opinion of (Yahoo).

San Francisco at Detroit (-6)
Really wish I had the NFL Sunday Ticket for this one.

Washington at Philadelphia (-7)
Stallworth is back (Yahoo). Like it matters.

Denver (-9) at Oakland
Seriously?

Dallas (-7) at Arizona
I have Boldin and Edge (ESPN); good thing I’m not vested in the Cardinals’ offense or anything that ridiculous.

St. Louis at Seattle (-3.5)
Wilkins FG, FG, FG, FG, FG, FG, FG…that’d be nice (Yahoo)

Tampa Bay at Carolina (-9)
Here’s to Joey Galloway having three TDs (Yahoo) and the Cats winning 34-24. Correction, 34 isn’t divisible by 3, so this actually won’t work out well for me.

Eventhough the good doctor hosed me out of my genius Dolphins upset pick, I will once again enlighten you people (crackers) the ways of NFL Week 10:

Baltimore (-7) at Tennessee 1:00 p.m.

Belick is calling the plays, go with the Ravens.

Buffalo at Indianapolis (-12.5) 1:00 p.m.

Indy on carpet will cover.

Chicago at N.Y. Giants 1:00 p.m. (Pick ’em)
Da Bears will prevail. Giants have no defenders left.

Cleveland at Atlanta (-8.5) 1:00 p.m.

Look for the Browns to pull an upset this week.

Green Bay at Minnesota (-5.5) 1:00 p.m.

Favre will throw for 3 TDs.

Houston at Jacksonville (-10.5) 1:00 p.m.

Jags covered last week at home. Will do it again this week.

Kansas City (-1) at Miami 1:00 p.m.

Fins still suck.

New Orleans at Pittsburgh (-4.5) 1:00 p.m.

Let’s all chant “We want Bill”. Brees will have a good day.

N.Y. Jets at New England (10.5) 1:00 p.m.

10.5 is a bit excessive, take the Jets.

San Diego (-1.5) at Cincinnati 1:00 p.m.

Shootout alert. I’m calling it 45-42 Chargers.

San Francisco at Detroit (-6) 1:00 p.m.

Santa Clara 49ers just doesn’t sound quite right. Take them with 6 points.

Washington at Philadelphia (-7) 1:00 p.m.

Skins blow and will continue to blow.

Denver (-9) at Oakland 4:05 p.m.

Oakland=Worst offense EVER.

Dallas (-7) at Arizona 4:15 p.m.

T.O. will drop another 2-3 passes and the sideline scene will remind you of the Philly days of old.

St. Louis at Seattle (-3.5) 4:15 p.m.

Seneca Wallace is over-rated and so are the Seahawks (weakest 2nd half schedule in NFC).

Tampa Bay at Carolina (-9) 8:30 p.m.

Go Panthers! 24-10 the good guys.

That’s it folks.

A note to the Good Doctor: You might want to find out how keyboards are used to type Mandarin. Because your latest job (What is it, the 12th one now?) just got out-sourced to China.

Because Ben is a slack ass…

Grading Slim:

St Louis -2 over Kansas City  (0-1-0)
APB on Torry Holt.

Cincinnati +3 over Baltimore  (1-1-0)
Palmer is the starting QB of a certain 2-7 fantasy team; you should know better.

NY Giants -13 over Houston  (1-2-0)
Mario with the fade away!! 

Jacksonville -10 over Tennessee (2-2-0)
I’ve hated Garrard since 1999. 

Dallas -3 over Washington   (2-2-1)
Bonehead personal foul and good hustle pushed this one.

Green Bay +3.5 over Buffalo   (2-3-1)
Imagine that: McGahee out indefinitely.  Bet you can’t guess who has him.

New Orleans -1 over Tampa   (2-4-1)
When will people quit picking against Nawlins?

Detroit +5.5 over Atlanta   (3-4-1)
Vick is obviously the greatest QB ever.  Tremendous knee control. 

Chicago -13.5 over Miami   (3-5-1)
Dude in our actually office got this one right in a vendor pool (he forgot to fill out his form and in that case, it defaults to the visiting team as the pick)

San Francisco +5 over Minnesota  (4-5-1)
Has anyone else noticed that the Scandinavians left the bitter cold climate for a more bitter cold climate? 

San Diego -12.5 over Cleveland  (4-6-1)
If the Bolts either lose or don’t cover, Football Jesus has His reasons and who are we, mere mortals, to question Him?

Denver +3 over Pittsburgh   (4-7-1)
I hope they run that sorry-assed bum Cowher out of Pittsburgh; what a loser.

Indy +3 over New England   (4-8-1)
That’s it, pick against Peyton before Thanksgiving.

Seattle -7 over Oakland   (5-8-1)
I think -7 was the Nielson Rating on this one.

Locks of the Week: Take the Cowboys, Giants, and the Chargers
Wrong.  Wrong.  Wrong. 

Season: 54-71-5

Grading Xiang Cha Pang Wa:

Chiefs at Rams (-2.5)   (1-0-0)

Bungals (+3) at Ravens   (2-0-0)

Giants (-13) at Texans   (2-1-0)

Titans (+9.5) at Jags   (3-1-0)

Cowgirls (-3) at Skins   (3-1-1)

Packers (+3) at Bills   (3-2-1)

Ain’ts (-1) at Bucs   (4-2-1)

Lions (+5.5) at Falcons   (4-3-1)

Bears (-13.5) at Dolphines  (5-3-1)

Vikings at 49ers (+5)   (6-3-1)

Browns at Bolts (-12.5)   (6-4-1)

Broncos at Steelers (-3)  (7-4-1)

Colts (+3) at Pats   (7-5-1)

Raiders (+7.5) at Seahawks  (7-6-1)

I couldn’t find the Mandarin keys on my keyboard, so I was unable to comment on any of these. 

Alvin beat Worm. 

I hate to upstage Mr. Calhoun, but his picks have been shotty thus far this season. It is amazing that he hasn’t turned to prostitution to stay afloat. Anyhoo, this is how I see it (and these are the latest lines):

Chiefs at Rams (-2.5):

I’d take the Chiefs. Gonzo seems to be his old self again with Huard getting comfortable doing Trent Green’s job. Something about Trent Green’s major injuries that just bring out the best in his backups (Warner, now Huard).

Bungals (+3) at Ravens:

Take the Ravens at home. Their offensive outburst last week was helped by 2 def. TDs. At home, against a Bungals team that are looking more and more like the Bungals of old, the Ravens won’t have problems getting a couple more of those. Palmer is getting tattooed on every other play and Ocho Cinco is running out of gimmicks to keep the spotlight on him.

Giants (-13) at Texans:

I really want to believe that David Carr is a good fantasy QB. But he’s proven me wrong and cost me two wins this season. Sage Rosenfel will be an easy target for the Giants Def that is playing well.

Titans (+9.5) at Jags:

Take the Jags to cover at home. Although, 9.5 point is a lot for the Jags Offense that is switch QBs back and forth. The difference here maybe Fred Taylor, who is refusing to go away and is staying healthy. Well, for now.

Cowgirls (-3) at Skins:

No idea why the Cowgirls have 3 points on this one. Redskins are HORRIBLE this year. Santana Moss is hurt and may not play. Take Homo, errr.. Romo and Cowgirls.

Packers (+3) at Bills:

Favre has had success in the past in Orchard Park. Take the Packers with 3 points in their pockets. Incidentally, No. 4 is making another ‘Comeback’. When are people going to realize that Favre is the best QB in this generation and doubting him is like doubting that a Bengals player will be in jail.

Ain’ts (-1) at Bucs:

The Bucs are awful and the Ain’ts ain’t that much better to be honest. They’ve played some bad teams and won. And the Bucs are a bad team.

Lions (+5.5) at Falcons:

I hate Michael Vick. But he’ll get another win today vs. the Lions. This will be a shootout. Take the Falcons at home to cover.

Bears (-13.5) at Dolphines:

This one has upset alert written all over it. I’m not convinced that the Bears can go undefeated. Take the Dolphines at home and pray.

Vikings at 49ers (+5):

The Vikings were exposed by the Brady bunch last week. Alex Smith and friends should have no problems jamming a couple of TDs into the gush that is the Viking’s secondary. 49ers at home, by 14.
Browns at Bolts (-12.5):

LT won’t need to play the second half. Take the Bolts to cover at home

Broncos at Steelers (-3):

Steelers are in la la land this season after the Super Bowl win. Broncos will cover. On a side note, I’m starting a website called What Would Cowher Do.com as a tribute to Chuck Amato’s brilliant game ‘Strategeries’.

Colts (+3) at Pats:

Game of the week. Brady Vs. Manning. Take the Pats at home.

Raiders (+7.5) at Seahawks

Who’s left on Seahawks offense? Raiders are making a little comeback with wins in the last 2 games.
That’s all folks. I’d leave you with a ‘Go Pack’, but we blow.

And we’re off:

St Louis -2 over Kansas City

Cincinnati +3 over Baltimore

NY Giants -13 over Houston

Jacksonville -10 over Tennessee

Dallas -3 over Washington

Green Bay +3.5 over Buffalo

New Orleans -1 over Tampa

Detroit +5.5 over Atlanta

Chicago -13.5 over Miami

San Francisco +5 over Minnesota

San Diego -12.5 over Cleveland

Denver +3 over Pittsburgh

Indy +3 over New England

Seattle -7 over Oakland

Locks of the Week: Take the Cowboys, Giants, and the Chargers