Section 30

The Tailgating Newsletter started as a simple email in 2003 written by a lonely, young man living in the Beau Rivage and through the years has evolved into a phenomenon with a following reaching cult proportions.  No one could have ever foreseen the impact it would have on those it has reached, especially not this humble author.

In honor of the most ground-breaking independent tailgating publication in east-central North Carolina, TNL staff is counting down the days to football season by rolling out every archived issue of TNL that exists.  Each issue will be prefaced by a short commentary by the author and then followed by the original, unedited edition.  Some issues have been forever lost to posterity; the ones that follow in the next two weeks survived…

Volume 1, Issue 1
August 2003
Biloxi, Mississippi

This one was literally written in a matter of minutes, although it likely played out in my mind all morning.  I can remember being on the production line outside in the scorching August Biloxi heat, doing a time study, and all of the sudden I knew I needed an A/C break and I went in and just started typing.  It was more for my own entertainment than anyone else’s.  This was still back in the days where I believed that I still had some potential and so did Chuck Amato; back when life still had happy endings.  I was particularly proud of the “yonder autumn winds gone by;” that still cracks me up.  I’ve always tried to write the same way I’d tell a story, and I think this original TNL issue captured my unique style perfectly.

Of particular note is Ben “acquiring” Lizzy and bringing Worm on through expansion.  While Lizzy’s utility status never quite panned out after the fashion of former utility tailgater Mr. Fonville, Worm has shown tremendous upside and I’m pleased to announce he has been re-signed for another season.

Miller’s attempts to bring on a smoking-hot co-ed continue to prove unsuccessful.

Enjoy.

 

The Tailgating newsletter
A Message from Your Tailgating President

Aloha means “Hello!” fellow tailgating participants!

I would first like to thank the man above, without whom, none of this would be possible.  And I want to thank each of you for allowing me to serve you in this capacity (like you had a choice).  But most of all, I’d like to thank myself; just because I can.

The dog days of summer are ensuing and the autumn season is once again nearing, and as we approach our sophomore alumni season, we remember the good times, the good food, and good friends of yesteryear.  We delight in the memory of yonder autumn winds gone by; of blistering heat and of driving rainstorms and of magnificent sunsets (and sunrises, actually); and of past glory.  Pain heals; chicks dig scars; glory lasts forever.  Unless it fades.  So do it because the chicks dig it.

It seems like just yesterday when Benjamin Rae Crawford was cooking hotdogs on that tiny grill (that we bought at the Apex Walmart at 1am on the eve of that gameday), beside the Tank, using his fingers to turn them and take them off the grill because we forgot, of all things, utensils.  Of course, we remembered the 5 jugs of Sweet Tarts, but not the silverware.  But that was in 1997; many, many, many memorable memories ago.  That was our first tailgating experience, our first home game as students (vs. Clemson; for those keeping score, we lost, 19-17 because Eric Leak couldn’t catch a freaking beach ball).  I would like to say we have learned much since then, but it would be so incredibly remiss of me to speak so unkindly of the truth. 

So in the ever-eternal essence of the spirit of autumn winds gone by, we shall plan to plan better for the ensuing tailgating season, one that promises to create even more memorable memories to be remembered by many.

We’re not just a bunch of sloppy, loud, obnoxious, bare-chested, stumbling, sausage-biscuit-throwing drunks anymore, much to our chagrin; we are now an esteemed contingent of proud and semi-respected alumni and we shall mind our manners and behave in accordance to all that is decent and proper (at least while we’re sober).

We shall plan to plan each game a half-fortnight in advance.  The brash yet talented Deputy Special Assistant to the President of Tailgating Operations, Mrs. Lauren D(amn) Williams, will take charge of this in my stead (because, let’s face it, no one really takes me seriously, and really, why should they?).  Deputy Williams will be sending out a weekly electronic-mail message to all members requesting recommendations for the following weekend’s festivities, so that as a group we can all be better organized.  Please respond promptly to this message so she can organize who needs to bring what and promptly get back with each of you through one mass electronic-mail message detailing what responsibilities you have been charged with.

This is to ensure that our festivities run smoother than a cheap Walmart watch, which could not be said in autumn days gone by.  If it will assuage your fears in even the slightest capacity, please know that I will have very little to do with actually getting anything done, as I am just a status symbol.  I sit in the cheap seats, just like you.  Plus, I’ll likely be laid up drunk somewhere and won’t remember.

Your cooperation is most graciously appreciated.

Should you be troubled with any concerns or questions, please feel free to contact Deputy Williams between the hours of 3am and 4am on weekdays or anytime before 7am on Saturdays, as I am much too busy with the day-to-day Tailgating operations to deal with your petty problems.

News and Notes

I am proud to announce that negotiations to expand our current tailgating conference have been successful.  I feel this move was necessary to ensure our status among the nation’s tailgating elite.  Through intense off-season negotiations, we acquired Jeremy McGinnis and his accompanying tailgater-to-be-named-later.  This move has almost certainly solidified our position among the finest tailgating groups in the nation, as we now have a sixth alumnus among us.  McGinnis will begin participating as an active member in the 2003 season and we are very pleased to have him.

Benjamin R. Crawford has recently acquired Elizabeth Miller, who will likely be used as a utility tailgater on certain weekends.  She has shown the proclivity for being feisty and she should fit in well…Matt Edwards and Lucas Miller have yet to announce their free-agent signings for their accompanying tailgating slots, although Miller is believed to be close to signing veteran tailgater, Mr. Fonville, who was a strong addition on several occasions last year.  Miller’s past attempts for signing a smoking-hot blonde co-ed have been unsuccessful.  Edwards and Miller both have until August 29th to announce their signings.

Remember little people, the tailgating season is only 6 short weeks away!

Sincerely,
Dr. R.L. Bentley, III, MD, PhD
Tailgating President/CEO
Chief of Neurosurgery,
Wilkes Hospital

RALEIGH — The 2006 NC State squad now has something very much in common with the 2002 version: both teams took an 8-0 record into its home game against Georgia Tech and both ended the game in heart-breaking fashion at 8-1. 

Andre Brown was held under 100 yards for the first time all season and Marcus Stone threw four interceptions while the Yellow Jackets showed near flawless execution of their running game to set up the big pass play en route to a 35-21 victory over the host Wolfpack on a rare cold and snowy afternoon in Raleigh (November 4).

The Pack came into the game with the #1-ranked defense in the nation, allowing an average of only 134 total yards per game, but they were ill-prepared to deal with the ACC’s leading receiver Calvin Johnson.  Reggie Ball connected with Johnson for 432 total yards and four touchdowns, all of 25 or more yards. 

“He was making catches in stride that no one else in this game could ever make,” A.J. Davis said after the game.  Davis, who is an impact player with eight interceptions on the year, was burned on almost every big play by the Tech duo.

Almost all of Johnson’s yards were after the catch.

The game was sloppy early, with both teams ending their first two drives with interceptions in the end zone.  Pat Lowery stole a touchdown with a leaping grab and Garland Heath picked off an errant throw to the corner of the end zone.  Marcus Stone looked like Jay Davis circa 2004. 

The Pack got on the board first early in the second quarter with an 80-yard drive, capped off by an 8-yard TD pass from Stone to John Dunlap, who leads all ACC receivers in touchdowns. 

On the ensuing Tech possession, the Pack D stepped up again, sacking Ball twice and forcing a Yellow Jacket punt deep in their own territory.  After a series of Andre Brown 25- and 17-yard runs, the Pack looked to take total control of the game just before the half.  But on the next play from the Tech 18, Stone underthrew Lamart Barrett and Kenny Scott picked off the pass and returned it for a touchdown.

With the score tied 7-7 at the half, Tech set the tone for the rest of the game with their first drive of the second half.  Davis had done a remarkable job of containing Johnson to that point, but Ball and Tashard Choice began working the option effectively, frustrating the Pack linebackers and forcing them to honor the run.  This opened Johnson up for big play after big play.

State chased Tech the rest of the way and had many opportunities to force a punt, but Johnson came through on every single third down of the second half, establishing himself as the ACC’s premier receiver. 

And so the Wolfpack, who believed they had garnered no respect nationally, are now fighting an uphill battle to win their division and play in the ACC Championship game in Jacksonville for a shot at their first BCS bowl.  You know, that same one that Chuck Amato keeps talking about but never puts them in a position to actually get to.

 

On the third year, the football Jesus will be resurrected and lead the fortunate few to the promised land that is called the Super Bowl. Trumpets will sound, mountains will crumble and doubters will lay slain at the gates of Qualcomm Stadium. Do not be left behind.

So I found this the other day and thought I’d post it up for a look back at how we used to do things during football season, you know, before we got old.

______________________________________

Its almost time. The hot summer days of 100% humidity are coming to a close. The boring days of summer and baseball are drawing to an end. The days of waiting and anticipation are becoming a distant memory. Yes, its almost fall, its almost time.

Its almost time to wake up at 6am and make the run to Bojangles. Arriving at the Fair Grounds before most are awake and having the greatest breakfast of all, biscuits and beer.

Its almost time to watch the sun rise and the sky fill with Wolfpack Red as we begin to set up for the day of tailgating that will ensue. Tapping the keg, getting out the cooler filled with some kind of girly drink and the liquor for later, lighting the grill, saving parking spaces (for those people who are always late, you know who you are) and getting ready to spend the rest of the day with great friends.

Its almost time to block the road whenever the few cars which are daring enough to fly the visiting teams flag to try and make their way through. Do you see a car? I sure dont.

Its almost time to make the seemingly mile long walk to the bathrooms so you dont have to wait legs crossed in line for 30 minutes to use the port-o-johns. It wouldnt be so bad if you didnt have to go there every five minutes because the keg is paid for and it must get drunk. Im sure somebody still hasnt paid for drinking yet.

Its almost time to eat so much food that you cant move and the walk to the bathrooms is even more daunting than before. But even though you cant possibly eat anything else those homemade cookies are just calling your name and you cant resist.

Its almost time to gather the troops and make the march into the stadium. Making sure that everyone has their ticket and leaving enough time so that you can find extra tickets for those that get lost and allowing everyone to grab one last beer for the walk while still making it to the stadium with time to spare.

Its almost time to try and sneak in as many airplane bottles of liquor as you can fit in any secret hiding place on your body. Secretly mixing drinks away from the view of the cameras so you can get even more plastered than you are to keep warm as the sun begins to set.

Its almost time to rise at the first glimmer of a player making his way down the tunnel. Jumping up and down on the bleachers getting louder and louder as the smoke fills the tunnel and the fireworks go off as the players make their way onto the field.

Its almost time to sing the fight song 500 times and never getting tired of it. Every time you sing you make sure to say GO TO HELL CAROLINA, or thats the only part that you know (you know who you are).

Its almost time to high 5 everyone possible each time that the Pack scores. Just watch out for a certain someone who gets a bit drunk and tries to make sure you loose all feeling in your hand each time its smacked.

Its almost time to stand on the metal bleachers for 5 hours straight cheering for every play, offence and defense. The only time you sit down is during half time and when you collapse from exhaustion as the game comes to an end.

Its almost time to stumble back to the cars, trying not to sprain a cankle, trying to remember where you parked, and finish off any food and beer that still happens to be left.

Yes, its almost time, its almost time for FOOTBALL! Another football season is upon us and were going to do it right again. The first game is less than 10 days away and were starting to get organized. If you are interested in tailgating with us this season let us know.

RALEIGH — NC State moved to 5-0 Monday night at Carter-Finley Stadium with a dominating 35-14 victory over #6 Florida State in front of 63,500 screaming fans.  The Wolfpack thouroughly dominated the Seminoles (3-2) on both sides of the ball, and moved into the AP Top 25 for the first time this season, landing at #23.

Andre Brown continued his Heisman Trophy campaign in front of a national ESPN audience, carrying the ball 32 times for 143 yards and five touchdowns.  The Wolfpack had 16 first downs to the Seminoles’ three, was 5-for-5 in the red zone, and had a 275-56 advantage in total offense.

It was a performace typical of FSU in this rivalry with NC State.

The State defense swarmed sophomore quarterback Christian Ponder relentlessly after knocking starting quarterback Xavier Lee out of the game on the second play.  Willie Young and DeMario Pressley had two sacks each and the defensive added eight hurries to take away the FSU passing attack. 

“Those ends gave me fits the whole game,” Ponder, the Coleyville, TX 5-star recruit said after the game.  Ponder was sacked four times and finished 1-for-2 on the game.  His only completion was a 51-yard touchdown strike against broken coverage.  That was the most offense FSU would see on this evening.

Lorenzo booker, who many have as their pre-season ACC player of the year, had 11 carries for 24 yards.

The Pack D set the tone early, knocking Lee out of the game on the first series.  It took the offense a little longer to get going, but Andre Brown found the end zone for the first time with a 2-yard TD run with 1:33 left in the first quarter. 

The defense again set up the offense, intercepting Ponder on the next drive and returning the ball to the FSU four yard line, where Brown was called on and scored for the second time of the day on a 1-yard run.

The Pack led the Noles 21-7 at the half, but FSU made it interesting on the first drive of the second half, as Marcus Stone unleashed a Jay Davis-esque pass that was promptly intercepted and returned 61 yards for a touchdown to close the score to 21-14.  It would turn out to be the only positive note for the Noles though, as State recovered and regained control.

Stone would finish a modest 8-for-16 for 124 yards with two interceptions.  Darrell Blackman led all receivers with 68 yards on four catches.  Lamart Barrett pulled in one catch for 15 yards, and Geron James had one catch for 18 yards.  The ACC’s leading receiver John Dunlap left the game with a bruised rib after his only catch of the game.  He should be ready to go for Wake Forest (2-3) next week.

Brown would go on to add touchdown runs of four, one, and two yards on his way to being named the national player of the week.  He was even featured on the cover of this week’s ESPN The Magazine under the title “Hostility Abounds in Raleigh as NC State downs FSU to move to 5-0.”

“Daggumit, them boys just have our number,” Bobby Bowden said after the game, where he met his former protege Quack Amato at midfield to have a quick makeout session. 

Coach Amato was hoarse as usual after the game, but he was fired up about something other than the game.  Apparently someone in Section 30, Row Y left the game at the end of the 3rd quarter to go drink in the parking lot.  “I tell you what, he’s a bad fan!”

The Pack are at home next weekend against 2-3 Wake Forest. 

RALEIGH – The defending 1-AA National Champions were no match for the defending Meineke Car Care Bowl champions Monday night in the 2006 season-opener.  The Wolfpack dismissed the Mountaineers 70-0 in front of a sellout crowd at Carter-Finley Stadium, most of who were much too drunk and sweaty to notice, or even care.

With Appalachian State returning 17 starters from their 2005 championship team, many Wolfpack fans had worried this would be a close game.  But Darrell Blackman and Andre Brown, along with the penetrating NC State defense, put those worries to rest early in the first quarter.

“They were knocking the hell out of me,” said ASU junior Trey Elder, who split time at quarterback with All-Everything Richie Williams last season.  “This definitely wasn’t Western Carolina’s defense.”

Elder was sacked for six and eight yard losses, respectively, on the first two plays, and then hurriedly threw an interception to Garland Heath.  The Mountaineers’ first first-down was at the 0:03 mark of the first quarter when A.J. Davis inexplicably “dove” in the open field while sliding over to cover the pass. 

“I don’t know what happened on that play,” Davis joked after the game.  “It was like someone else was controlling my movements out there at times.”

Elder was sacked a total of 10 times and hurried 14 times.  The Appalachian State offense managed just 95 total yards for the game, almost all of it coming in the second half after State coach Quack Amato substituted both his second-string offense and defense into the game. 

Meanwhile, NC State was cruising.  Andre Brown got the Pack on the board first at the 2:44 mark with an eight-yard scoring run.  After a three-and-out for the Mountaineers, Brown followed on the first play of the second drive with a 43-yard touchdown run, untouched.  State’s D held again, and Darrell Blackman returned the ensuing punt 58 yards for his first touchdown to end the first quarter, untouched.   

Brown added touchdown runs of 90 yards and four yards in the second quarter, and Blackman returned his second punt 54 yards for another touchdown.  Marcus Stone was an impressive 4-for-5 for 71 yards, completing two passes each to John Dunlap and Lamart Barrett, who both complained after the game about not getting enough touches.  State led 42-0 at the half. 

Amato took the entire first string offense and defense out to give the backups some reps, but the dominance continued.  The Wolfpack began the second half with a 78-yard, 3:45 drive, all rushing plays, ending with a 2-yard touchdown run by Toney Baker. 

Blackman returned two more punts for touchdowns in the second half, and Baker added another rushing touchdown to push the score to 70-0.

“They stomped us,” Jerry Moore said after the game.  There had been upset hopes for this team; the Mountaineers went to Baton Rouge to open the 2005 season and left with a moral victory, losing 20-0 and playing LSU as hard as anyone in the SEC did all season.  But there were no moral victories to be had in this game.

The Wolfpack totaled 604 yards altogether, but only ran 26 offensive plays.  Brown rushed for 179 yards on nine carries and had four touchdowns; Baker rushed for 113 yards on 13 carries and added two touchdowns.  Darrell Blackman perhaps began a Heisman campaign with 223 punt return yards and four touchdowns.

“I was like Forrest Gump out there tonight,” Blackman added.  “I even fair-caught two just so the offense could get on the field and burn clock.  Then I found out this game wasn’t even televised; I wasted all that effort for jack shit.”

On defense, the Pack dominated the Appalachian O-line and controlled the tempo of the game, never allowing Elder any comfort to pass.  DeMario Pressley and Willie Young each had three sacks, Littleton Wright added two, and DeMarcus Tyler and Garland Heath added one each. 

Young, starting as a redshirt freshman after spending a year improving his academics at Hargrave Military Academy, also had five tackles for loss.  “That’s how we roll in the WP, bitches,” he added, apparently referring to his hometown of West Palm Beach, FL.

ASU’s A.D., Charlie Cobb, who played for Dick Sheridan and spent time as the Assistant A.D. at State, had mixed emotions.  “We got pounded, sure.  But that $200,000 check they gave us is my moral victory.”
 

The Bobcats used the No. 3 pick in the 2006 draft on full time bucket-filler, part-time truck driver, Adam Morrison.

After coming into this World Cup as a favorite dark horse pick the USA is on it’s way back home after a 2-1 loss today to Ghana. There were high hopes for this team as they managed to make it to the quarter finals of the 2002 World Cup. However, for this trip to the World Cup the US managed to not win a game, it did tie one with Italy though, and score only ONE goal, two if you count Italy’s own goal. On the bright side, at least they’re not going to come in dead last as they did in the 1998 World Cup. I think it might be time for the US to find a new coach.

Well the NY Knicks keep on coming up with new ways to screw up. Their latest idea was to fire Larry Brown and replace him with GM extraordinaire Isiah Thomas. I can’t wait to see how this is going to turn out!

ESPN Link.

The Miami Heat finished off Dallas last night in the NBA Finals. I didn’t watch the game at all so I’m not sure what happened, but I did hear that Wade played well. Guess it’s Shaq riding Wade’s coattails these days, and not the other way around like most figured it would be.

England managed to tie Sweden yesterday in their final group match which gave them the top spot in the group. England was up 2-1, but giving up a goal in the 90th minute put an end to that. I hope they don’t have to play again because England is unable to beat Sweden. England did lose Owen for the rest of the World Cup to a torn ACL, but he wasn’t playing very well, and Rooney is back so it shouldn’t have much of an effect, I hope. If you’re at all interested in the World Cup, or you’re just bored and want to read something funny check out Michael Davies’ World Cup Blog.

I went to the Carolina Hurricanes Stanley Cup Parade at the RBC center last night (Pictures). It was actually better than I though it would be. Just like a giant Alive After 5 really. Plus, any time you get to drink beer in public, and you get free stuff, you’re never going to have a bad time. My new favorite player is Mike Commodore because of this:

Any player who is drinking during the parade is cool by me. You can also follow the Stanley Cup around here while it’s in the Hurricanes possession for the next year if you’re interested.

In NC State news, Sidney Lowe got his degree and has passed the NCAA recruiting test, so he is officially our new head basketball coach. Can you feel the excitement? Larry Davis and Dan Werner definitely can. So much in fact that they bolted to Seaton Hall and Florida respectively. Would have been nice if Cedric Simmons stuck around for another year but now that he is a probably lock for the lottery you cant blame him for leaving.

And lastly, something funny for all you Charlotte people.