TNL Countdown to Football, Part 7

I’d like to note that I got the Unsung Hero Award at my high school senior awards ceremony; my mom informed me it was the “award” they gave to anyone that didn’t get any other kind of award, so that no one was left out.  Looking back, I was perhaps the only one on that stage holding that award that wasn’t looking forward to graduation so I’d have more time to work on my Trans Am.

The Tailgating newsletter: The season in review
“We only ask because we care”
Volume 1, Issue 8
December 2003

A MESSAGE FROM YOUR PRESIDENT
IT’S BEEN SAID THAT THE MORE THINGS CHANGE, THE MORE THEY REMAIN THE SAME. 

I’ll say.

It seems like just yesterday when we were eagerly anticipating those dreaded Dog Days of Summer, where once again on Saturdays, everything would again be right with the world.  And here we are, on the cusp of the Yuletide season, reminiscing about another season of autumn winds gone by, wondering: “What do we have to look forward to this Saturday?”

But we can cherish the memories of another fine season and continue to build on the relationships and bonds we developed in those seven short weekends in the autumn of 2003. 

As you indubitably might recall, we entered this season with several uncertainties.  Would we be able to maintain our intensity like the bygone days of our youth?  How would expansion affect the group and would the newest member (Worm) really solidify our position among the tailgating elite?  Would we become more organized and less erratic in our preparation for game day?

And as we look back and evaluate each performance, we can certainly answer, in a positive way, some of the questions that lingered in August.  But we must never become content – contentment breeds mediocrity, and we must never settle for anything less than national prominence.   

Am I pleased with our performance this season?  Well, there is certainly room for improvement.  But at the same time, we, as a group, have to continue to chop wood and honor the process.  And I would have to believe that our group can match up with any tailgating group in the nation; whether it is a group from LSU, Ole Miss, or Wisconsin.  We just need to improve on our cohesiveness as a unit and remember that we live in day-tight compartments.

Before we can move forward, though, we must look back.  And when we look back we can certainly find the positives on which to build, so that we may grow as a group, each individual doing his (or her) part to make our tailgating experience more memorable.  Individual honors only serve to illustrate how each individual participant can be so instrumental in the overall success of the tailgate.  The first annual TNL Awards were voted on by an anonymous panel and with great pride I have included them in this special edition TNL.  

1st ANNUAL TAILGATING HONORS

MVP – STEVE EDWARDS
Edwards, in his rookie tailgating season, proved his value immediately at the Western Carolina game with his mocking of the “Move the Chains” chant and subsequent and seemingly innocent “Who was that?”  Edwards showed tremendous upside week-after-week, and he showed incredible versatility en route to his first tailgating MVP award; whether it be enlightening the younger participants with his wisdom and wit or carving the turkey, Edwards was always on top of his game.  “Steve Edwards was invaluable to us this season.  He is fearless,” J.R. Crawford says of Edwards.  “He is unafraid to dish it out and he can certainly take it; absolutely.”  

12TH MAN – STEVEN WILKES
Wilkes, of Lincoln County, was a free-agent pickup for the UNC game and if anyone ‘honors the process,’ this Cat does.  “He brings so many intangibles to a tailgate,” Jeremy McGinnis says of Wilkes.  “He has tremendous length and there really is no ‘quit’ in him.”  Wilkes is always on top of his game; he keeps a case of beer between his seats for just such occasions.  Wilkes is a quiet observer of those around him, and his wit is unyielding: “I don’t have any vices,” Wilkes proclaims, taking a drag from his Marlboro and then a long pull from his can of Budweiser.   

UNSUNG HERO – EMILY “EASY-E” HINES
Hines is simply a force unto herself.  “She’s an angel; she’s a saint – those are two things that I ain’t,” Jacob Crawford says matter-of-factly of his long-time girlfriend.  Lord knows she must be to deal with his sorry ass all the time – as well as the rest of us, might I add.  Her Easiness always shows up ready to contribute.  She’s usually quite serene but has a feistiness that’s simply unmatched.  She proclaimed her “Greatest Person Ever” status during the season and emphatically remains a modest and ubiquitous presence among the group. 

COMEBACK PLAYER OF THE YEAR – L.D. WILLIAMS
Williams, fighting off an early season, non-tailgating related illness, made her return in remarkable fashion to participate fully in nearly all tailgating activities.  She proved invaluable with her preparation of numerous food items and snacks, especially the Deviled Eggs and S’mores Brownies (which she made despite not being on the roster for that game; talk about taking one for the team).  Her love for Philip Rivers boundless, Williams sported her red #17 jersey with pink letters proudly at each game she was healthy.  “Williams is truly an inspiration to us all to fight like she did and be such an integral part of Section 30, Rows Y and Z,” said fellow tailgater, Easy-E Hines.

HENCH AWARD – JEREMY MCGINNIS
McGinnis’ tailgating worth most certainly has to be measured through the intangibles.  “He has tremendous depth,” Shawn Williams says.  Whether it is a “blackout” or an inappropriate and snide comment at exactly the right time, Worm always seems to know how to shun conventional cynicism and offer his own biased approach to life.  His comebacks are pithy and his wit unabashed.  There is simply no replacement for overstating the obvious with such poignant comments as “At least I’m getting laid,” “Tackle someone!” or “He’s horrible!”  The addition of McGinnis has certainly brought more character to Saturdays outside Carter-Finley. 

MOST LIKELY TO NOT BE AROUND NEXT SEASON AWARD – BEN MILLER
At the outset of the 2003 tailgating season, it appeared that if ever there was a tailgater that was past his prime, it was Ben.  This once ferocious and intimidating lion had been reduced to little more than a mild-tempered, purring kitten.  Ben, seemingly down and out – not permitted to make any decisions for himself, it seemed – continued to fight, however, and eventually regained some of the respect he lost by what most of the participants termed as his “utter abandonment” of all tailgating principles.  “I’m not going to lie – he was dead to me,” admits Lucas Miller.  “But then I realized he was just another poor, whooped soul like so
many others I know, and – it just breaks my heart to see him like that.”  Ben continued chopping wood, though, and on several occasions he actually drank real beer.  (“It’s that wussy beer – it must be Ben’s,” chimed Steve Edwards on various occasions.)  By season’s end, though, the sleeves had come off, and this year’s recipient of the Doug Christie jersey had made enormous inroads towards regaining his elite tailgating status.   

SMEAR THE BEER AWARD – SHAWN WILLIAMS
B. Shawn Williams, like John Elway and Barry Sanders before him, decided to go out while he was on top.  Williams became the first champion of America’s new favorite pastime, Smear the Beer, and then, just as abruptly and unlikely as an Adam Kiker chip-shot, he walked away from it all, basking in the glory of that brief, albeit unforgettable, moment.  “It was truly a great throw, and I’ll never forget the feel of Mr. Fonville’s Miller Lite splattering all over me,” Matt Edwards said after the game, the overpowering emotion still lingering in the air.  “I’ll always remember Williams’ throw – it was so cohesive.”

GREG GOLDEN AWARD – JACOB CRAWFORD
It unfolded like the memorable plays always do: The abnormally warm, late-November sunshine beat down on the asphalt and their rolled-up-sleeves-exposed shoulders; but they would have to ignore the heat because it was fourth down and goal and the game was on the line.  Just as The Great Emmy Miller went under center, waiting to take the snap from Brooke Shevitz, sixth-year senior cornerback Jacob Crawford crept towards the line of scrimmage, showing Bump-and-Run coverage on the true freshman wide out, Katie Hilborn; Miller, like all great quarterbacks do, recognized the changing coverage and called an audible at the line.  She took the snap and quickly released the football, avoiding the brutal pass rush by Shawn Williams and Ben Crawford, who swarmed past Shevitz in a fury.  The pass was a tight spiral and the ball hit Hilborn in the hands just as she posted and turned; Crawford had went for the interception and was beat terribly, just like his idol – “That’s my boy!” – Greg Golden, always was.  Katie ran the pass in for a touchdown and Jacob could only hang his head in shame afterwards.  “I would match Emmy and Katie up against any quarterback/receiver combo in the nation,” Jacob said; he then claimed there was offensive pass interference, but replays refuted his claim and further showed that he was just flat-out beat by a shorter, smaller, slower, less-athletic girl.

MOST VERSATILE – MATT EDWARDS
The Junior Edwards was instrumental in the recruitment process every week, bringing in outside participants to increase depth among the group.  His wit is unpretentious and he is a social magnet; “Matt knows a lot of people,” Shawn Williams says of Edwards.  Quietly modest and often unassuming, Matt has a fiercely raw sense of humor and pulls no punches when the circumstances call for him to step up and represent the group.  Perhaps his paramount acquisition was the aforementioned MVP, his father, Steve Edwards, for which the group is indisputably stronger.

THE HERB SENDEK AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE – LUCAS MILLER
Miller is living proof that bad things do, indeed, happen to good people.  “If this is all one big joke, then Lucas’ life is the punch line.”  He has strived to be simply mediocre and honestly believes one day he will become just that.  He might be a grown-ass man unable to get a date, but by God he can recognize a ton of college fight songs, knows an untold quantity of sports trivia, is undeniably good friend material, and is mastering the art of deep-frying a Cajun-spiced turkey.  His pathetic existence brashly provides the basis for most of the group’s entertainment, and that is merely irreplaceable.

IN CLOSING, THIS YEAR WAS MEMORABLE, BUT WE MUST INDEED STRIVE TO IMPROVE.  Looking to next season, we have the opportunity to turn it up a notch and build on the success we have bestowed upon ourselves.  Whether it be another expansion or something as tangible as adding a Pig Cooker, we must never become content.  If we had two tents this season, then we must strive to have three next; if four coolers was satisfactory in 2003, then let’s make it our goal to need five in 2004.  Let’s never settle fellow tailgaters. 

Remember, life is like a sled dog team: unless you’re the lead dog, the view never changes.

Until 2004,

Dr. R.L. Bentley, III, MD, PhD, PE
Tailgating President/CEO
Chief of Neurosurgery, Wilkes Hospital