Getting To Know Your Cities: Jackson, TN

The Jackson, TN official website describes the city in this way:

Located in the center of West Tennessee between Nashville and Memphis, Jackson welcomes its visitors with big city amenities and small town hospitality. Jackson is home to legendary Carl Perkins, Casey Jones Village, the Miss Tennessee Scholarship Pageant, The West Tenn Diamond Jaxx, the NAIA Division 1 Women’s National Championship basketball tournament, and much more.

Jackson and Madison County residents are drawn to the beautiful landscape, abundance of recreational opportunities and close proximity to great dining and shopping. Jackson is a vibrant city that serves as the retail hub for thirteen surrounding counties.

The Jackson/Madison County area is easy to promote because it has so much going for it.  A superb location, a labor force with a strong work ethic, an unmatched transportation system, and a community that offers full amenities all combine to make Jackson the perfect location for industry. 

Wow, Jackson sure sounds like a swell place to live and work and raise a family.  But is there more than meets the eye?  Let’s take a look. 

Official:
Located in the center of West Tennessee between Nashville and Memphis, Jackson welcomes its visitors with big city amenities and small town hospitality.

Translation:
Nestled in bumfuck West Tennessee along the I-40 corridor between Memphis, the nation’s fifth most dangerous city, and Nashville, the nation’s fakest, Jackson welcomes all those “visitors” from other parts of Madison County who never took birth control and/or wore a condom, but were talented enough athletes to go to Union University or Jackson Community College and become upstanding car audio technicians at Best Buy.

Official:
Jackson is home to legendary Carl Perkins, Casey Jones Village, the Miss Tennessee Scholarship Pageant, The West Tenn Diamond Jaxx, the NAIA Division 1 Women’s National Championship basketball tournament, and much more.

Translation:
Carl Perkins was a rockabilly pioneer, writing “Blue Suede Shoes” for Elvis as well as three popular Beatles’ songs no one has ever heard of since The Beatles suck so hard; the town built a convention center and named it after him — it recently hosted a Buckcherry concert, to which the entire populace attended just to hear the town’s newly-adopted anthem “Crazy Bitch.”  Casey Jones was a railroad engineer who collided with another train in Mississippi in 1900 — he was likely drunk, since after all, he did live in Jackson — and someone later immortalized him in a popular ballad for it.  The West Tennessee Diamond Jaxx are a double-A minor league baseball club affiliated with the Seattle Mariners, who overcharge for tickets and don’t serve beer, a great combination for success in professional sports.  There’s also some women’s shit thrown in for good measure.

The “and more” part specifically refers to hanging out at Chili’s during Happy Hour.

Official:
Jackson and Madison County residents are drawn to the beautiful landscape, abundance of recreational opportunities and close proximity to great dining and shopping. Jackson is a vibrant city that serves as the retail hub for thirteen surrounding counties.

Translation:
There are no lakes, no rivers, no greenways; recreational opportunities refers entirely to the abundance of coke and meth — I think all the cool kids actually call it “smack” and “ice,” respectively, so when in Rome — available; great dining refers to Outback, Chilis, Olive Garden, and Longhorn; great shopping refers to TJ MAxx and Kohl’s.  The fact that Jackson is a 13-county “hub” really speaks volumes towards the surrounding area (see the section on Walmart below).

Official:
The Jackson/Madison County area is easy to promote because it has so much going for it.  A superb location, a labor force with a strong work ethic, an unmatched transportation system, and a community that offers full amenities all combine to make Jackson the perfect location for industry.

Translation:
Jackson has the only Walmart between Memphis and Nashville; in North Carolina terms, this would be like having the only Bojangle’s in the Triangle on Western Boulevard.  For those that enjoy a featureless horizon in a landlocked state in a city that is 10 hours from the Gulf coast and seven hours from the Great Smokey Mountains, the location is superb.  The labor force’s strong work ethic isn’t phased by the high unemployment rate due to smack/ice habits.  Jackson is the perfect location for the chemical industry because manufacturers can pour their waste byproducts directly down the drain, or to be more efficient, directly into the sewers and/or creeks and no one would ever notice any difference.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to watch Transformers at the cash-only Cinema; I saw Live Free or Die Hard at said cinema yesterday and was extremely pleased with the sound-quality from the two boomboxes mounted on each side of the 56″ movie screen. 

For a North Carolina comparison city, see Worm’s future installment of “Getting To Know Your Cities: Rocky Mount, NC.”

 

 

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