Lucas’ Uniform Theory of Winning

I know why we’ll never win a national championship; actually, it’s just a theory really, but a working one, and the great thing about a theory is that is can neither be proved or disproved.

I have defined it as the “We’ll Never Win a National Title Because We Do Not Wear Traditional Uniforms Theory,” but laymen commonly refer to it as the “Style Over Substance Theory.”

The principle behind the theory is really quite simple: With few exceptions, only teams that sport a traditional uniform over time will ever win a national title. In the last thirty years, twenty teams have won at least a share of the national title:

Alabama – 1992, 1979, 1978 (split)
Brigham Young – 1984
Clemson – 1981
Colorado – 1990 (split)
Florida – 1996
Florida State – 1999, 1993
Georgia – 1980
Georgia Tech – 1990 (split)
LSU – 2003 (split)
Miami – 2001, 1991 (split), 1989, 1987, 1983
Michigan – 1997 (split)
Nebraska – 1997 (split), 1995, 1994
Notre Dame – 1988, 1977
Ohio State – 2002
Oklahoma – 2000, 1985, 1975
Penn State – 1986, 1982
Pittsburgh – 1976
Southern Cal – 2004, 2003, 1978 (split)
Tennessee – 1998
Washington – 1991 (split)

The underlying commonality between each of these teams is that they each wore what could be classified as a traditional style uniform when they won the national title. And by traditional I don’t necessarily mean “plain,” as is the case with Penn State, Notre Dame, or Alabama, but rather “time-honored,” as with Southern Cal, Oklahoma, or Florida State.

With the exception of Brigham Young, who let Nike butcher one of the most stylistic uniforms in college football, and perhaps Washington, which has switched between gold and purple helmets over time, very little has changed with the aforementioned teams’ uniform designs.

Minor design changes were made to Miami’s uniforms – green pants, green jerseys, weird patterns – but most of this has come only during their most recent span of success. They won four national titles with the basic orange jerseys on white pants, as well as the well-recognized “U” logo on the helmet.

Clemson has made slight changes over the years, throwing in some purple jersey/pants combos, but the Tiger paw and a basic orange-on-white design has remained the staple of their uniform. Florida State has flirted with garnet and white pants, but only on rare occasions.

Nebraska, Tennessee, Florida, Florida State, and Colorado have all tested different striping patterns on their pants for short times, but otherwise my research has shown that there have been almost no changes made to any of the other teams’ uniforms over time.

My research has led me to postulate that these schools rely on substance rather than style, which must be quite the conundrum to certain coaches and fans that believe that the only way to build a winning program and land top recruits is to show an aptitude for trendy styles. The underlying theme among the national champions of the past thirty years is that they don’t bend to the marketing whims of Nike and Adidas every other year to keep national exposure on their program; they rely, oddly enough, simply on winning.

On the whole, these programs consistently maximize the talents of their players and win consistently based upon superior coaching and hard-nosed, disciplined, and error-free football. What kind of ridiculous strategy is that?

The common theme among so many college football pundits and fans is that recruits can only be landed through flashy offensive schemes, blaring intros, and trendy uniform designs. And yet, over the past thirty years, this philosophy just doesn’t add up. Teams like Southern Cal, Nebraska, Michigan, and Ohio State continue to win consistently without any of the flair or pizzazz.

State should cut out the fireworks and big screen intros, put on white helmets – with red block “S,” of course – red jerseys, white pants, and go out there and hold onto the ball – and not the receiver – and act more like Barry Sanders than Terrell Owens, and simply play football. We’ll define our own traditional style and get our winning ways started.

But I guess it’s the old chicken or egg argument: we have to land top recruits to win and we can’t land top recruits with bland football. I just don’t buy it; winning takes care of itself, no matter how bland it is.

Until then, my theory holds true.