{"id":58,"date":"2006-08-21T23:02:57","date_gmt":"2006-08-22T03:02:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/section30.com\/?p=58"},"modified":"2006-08-21T23:12:40","modified_gmt":"2006-08-22T03:12:40","slug":"tnl-countdown-to-football-part-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/section30.com\/?p=58","title":{"rendered":"TNL Countdown to Football, Part 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

FYI, Issue 2 has apparently been lost forever; I do have a vague memory of it being very contrived in a lax attempt to match the revolutionary direction of the pilot issue.<\/em><\/p>\n

A few comments on Issue 3, below:<\/em><\/p>\n

1. Remember when Chuck was still The Chest rather than The Clown and Football Jesus reigned superior?
\n2. I always figured Elizaben jokes would get old once those two were betrothed…but I was wrong.
\n3. Statefans Jacob.\u00c2\u00a0 Jacobfans.\u00c2\u00a0 Ah, those were the days.\u00c2\u00a0 Hey Jacob, which game are they blowing up the scoreboard again?\u00c2\u00a0 (Although I will admit me commenting on Jacob’s drinking…people who live in glass houses, I know).
\n4. Does anyone remember who Gary was?\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0
\n5. Lauren’s B-day…you just had to be there I guess.
\n6. The tent.\u00c2\u00a0 At least a hundred emails went back and forth about that tent.<\/em>\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

Volume 1, Issue\u00c2\u00a03
\nBiloxi or Gastonia
\nAugust 2003<\/strong>\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

I think the biggest thing that hurt the program was when they lost Chuck Amato, when he went to NC State.\u00c2\u00a0 He was a big part of disciplining the players and helping reign the team in. When you saw Chuck coming, everybody would jump. Now they don’t have anybody like that over there.
\n~Sam Cowart<\/p>\n

Let the Bodies Hit the Floor<\/strong>
\nSo here we are, each of us, in our own way, enduring the final Dog Days of Summer \u00e2\u20ac\u201c the last days until January where we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll wonder \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What the heck are we gonna do this weekend?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d.\u00c2\u00a0 Because by this point, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s so painfully obvious that if you have to ask, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll never know.\u00c2\u00a0 We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re gonna be doing our civic duty as good, moral, God-fearing, hard-working, Momma and Uncle Sam-respecting, apple-pie loving Americans: Watching college football dagummit!\u00c2\u00a0 Someone pass me a beer!<\/p>\n

BOOM! \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Here Come the Boys from the South
\n<\/strong>Alas, you can smell it: autumn.\u00c2\u00a0 Screw the calendar, fall officially begins this Saturday about noon when, minus Ben, we all gather next to Wade Avenue (literally) and Jacob performs the ceremonial \u00e2\u20ac\u0153popping the top\u00e2\u20ac\u009d of the 2003 season\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s first Cold Adult Beverage.\u00c2\u00a0 I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have to imagine this is our own little version of running through the tunnel, although I reckon we could all line up and run through the tent that Worm better have.<\/p>\n

Western Carolina Preview<\/strong>
\nState and Western have met four times; State has won all four.\u00c2\u00a0 The Catamounts, 5-6 in 2002, are also winless versus all current ACC teams\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6ah heck, I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even justify spending the time previewing the Cullowhee Cats.\u00c2\u00a0 We should score on at least \u00e2\u20ac\u201c AT LEAST \u00e2\u20ac\u201c five of our first six possessions.\u00c2\u00a0 In fact, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m gonna start complaining if we let them score before the fourth quarter.\u00c2\u00a0 By the third quarter, we should be getting a good look at Davis or Stone and by around 8 o\u00e2\u20ac\u2122clock we should be in the mood to head on back and watch Florida State waxing Carolina.<\/p>\n

Western is close to being a team Ben\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s \u00e2\u20ac\u0153high school team could beat.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 So let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s go out and drink some beer and have some fun and take care of business on the first leg of our road to New Orleans.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

Weather Forecast\u00c2\u00a0
\n<\/strong>Tailgating: 91 degrees, 80% humidity, Isolated Thunderstorms
\nGametime: 70 degrees, 90% humidity, Mostly Clear<\/p>\n

Ben Joke of the Week<\/strong>
\n“Word, I’m not missing anymore games just so I don’t get left out of the daily emails.\u00c2\u00a0 It’s like being left alone on an island.\u00c2\u00a0 This sucks.”<\/p>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll Believe It When I See It<\/strong>
\nJacob helped Lucas move this weekend.\u00c2\u00a0 Thanks man, really appreciate it.\u00c2\u00a0 Luke drove to Pineville to pick him up so he could drive the U-Haul back for him.\u00c2\u00a0 On the drive to Spartanburg, Jake told him, with as straight a face as you could ever imagine: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I only plan on having a couple [beers] at each game this year.\u00c2\u00a0 I really just want to have a few and relax and enjoy the games.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Do huh?<\/p>\n

I have only one response to that: When pigs stinking fly.\u00c2\u00a0 When Raleigh freezes over in August.\u00c2\u00a0 When Lizzy gives Ben his cojones back.\u00c2\u00a0
\n\u00c2\u00a0
\nFor those of you wondering, Jacob only has a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153couple\u00e2\u20ac\u009d with his morning Corn Flakes.\u00c2\u00a0 A \u00e2\u20ac\u0153couple\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to Jacob means a couple six-packs.\u00c2\u00a0 This just won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t cut it.\u00c2\u00a0 As my papaw used to say: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ahhh me, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcat just don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make no nevermind!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

A sober Jacob on game day would force Anheuser-Busch to completely rethink its marketing strategy.\u00c2\u00a0 We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re talking plummeting stock, here.\u00c2\u00a0 And how in the hell is anyone supposed to have fun without, at some point, Jacob saying or doing something completely stupid to Easy-E and spending the rest of the evening groveling and trying to get out of the doghouse?<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Statefans Jacob\u00e2\u20ac\u009d would never be sober on game day.\u00c2\u00a0 I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even know who you are anymore.<\/p>\n

Random Memorable Memory to be Remembered by Many<\/strong>
\nSouth Carolina game; 1999; Hurricane Dennis; in the old student lot.\u00c2\u00a0 Best known as the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153tator throwing incident.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Jacob and Gary and Shawn and I are standing in the bed of my truck, in the pouring rain, drunk (which is essentially a gimmie at almost any point between 1997 and 2000).\u00c2\u00a0 Suddenly, a good-sized potato comes hurling towards us, smashing into my truck.\u00c2\u00a0 Jacob grabs it and returns fire; he hurls it a solid eighty yards, on a perfect trajectory, hitting some dude standing on top of a U-haul square in the chest so hard he knocked that cat clean off the U-haul!<\/p>\n

A few minutes later, this group of guys comes up, rolling eight deep.\u00c2\u00a0 By now, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just me and Gary (Jake and Shawn were off in the woods, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty sure, and Chip and Ben were both flirting with Melissa).\u00c2\u00a0 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Either of ya\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll see anyone throwing potatoes?\u00c2\u00a0 We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re gonna beat their ass when we find them; they knocked one of our friends off the U-haul!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Eight on two: now I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know how many of them it would have taken to beat our asses, but I sure as heck knew how many they were planning to use.\u00c2\u00a0 And that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s some good information to have.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

I look at Gary, and as smooth as only pre-whipped, old-school G-Funk could be: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know who did it but they hit us, too!\u00c2\u00a0 We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll help you find \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcem.\u00c2\u00a0 We want a piece, too.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

So we go strolling off behind these cats, looking for the culprits.\u00c2\u00a0 These are the things you tell your grandson about.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

TNL Page2<\/strong>
\nWe celebrated Lauren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s birthday Saturday night.\u00c2\u00a0 Started with a nice surprise dinner at Amedeos; ended with, to my best estimate, around a $400 bar tab at Rum Runners.\u00c2\u00a0 We shut that place down.\u00c2\u00a0 Once outside (a bit of a struggle, mind you), Shawn asked me and Daniel if we were sure we had settled with the guy.\u00c2\u00a0 \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Are you sure?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

Yeah, Shawn, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got a Visa receipt that says I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m pretty damn certain.\u00c2\u00a0 (Wanna see a look that is unmatched?\u00c2\u00a0 Ask Shawn about the cash he dropped in that place.)<\/p>\n

Anyway, I wish words could describe just how much fun we had\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6and just how trashed we all were.\u00c2\u00a0 And I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t just mean the usual suspects; I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m talking Lauren taking Wolfpack shooters with us and getting just plum rowdy.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

And Shawn\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6that cat was in rare form; I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m talking 1998 B.C. (Before Chic).\u00c2\u00a0 I hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seen him that drunk since the bachelor party.\u00c2\u00a0 Freaking hilarious.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

I still don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know how we got home, but I do remember the ride.\u00c2\u00a0 I remember laying in the back seat across Lauren, Kerie, and Shawn, while Shawn held my head down because \u00e2\u20ac\u0153there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a cop!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 But the best part might have been when he tried to get me to be quiet because he was hurting me and I thought I was gonna puke: instead of just covering my mouth, he decided it would be funnier to cover my mouth and pinch my nose closed and put his elbow into my jugular.\u00c2\u00a0 You know how difficult it gets to breathe when you suppress the air supply on a drunk dude?<\/p>\n

And then it just got silly.\u00c2\u00a0 Shawn was running his mouth about something, so Lauren (getting ill, buzz and all), told him to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153SHUT UP!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 The exchange went a little something like this:<\/p>\n

Lucas: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sh\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6awn\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6I\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6breath\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nShawn: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Be quiet, there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a cop!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLauren: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shawn, be quiet!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nShawn: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153LUCAS!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLauren: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shawn: BE QUIET!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nShawn: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153LUCAS!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLauren: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153SHAWN \u00e2\u20ac\u201c MY HUSBAND: BE QUIET!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLucas: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re choking me, man!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLauren: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lucas, shut up!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nShawn: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153LUCAS!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLauren: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153SHAWN!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nShawn: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153LUCAS!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Anyway, you get the point.\u00c2\u00a0 This went on the entire ride.<\/p>\n

And then we got home.\u00c2\u00a0 Shawn, trying to regain the Title, collapses into the chair and stuffs his mouth full of Wheat Thins but decides he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t really have the energy to chew them, so they just kind of rest there on the edge of his mouth and all over his stomach.<\/p>\n

But then he decides he needs to puke.<\/p>\n

Shawn: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lucas, go open the back door for me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLucas: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll get right on that\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (not moving).
\nShawn: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I gotta puke.\u00c2\u00a0 Lucas, go open the back door for me.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n[Lauren enters from the back]: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shawn, why do you want the back door open?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nShawn [laughing uncontrollably]: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lucas needs to puke.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLauren [very ill]: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lucas, if you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re gonna puke go to the bathroom!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLucas: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t NEED to puke.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nShawn [Motions to me with his head]: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes you do.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n[Lauren looks down at me]
\nLucas [sarcastic]: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ok, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s me; I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m the one that needs to puke.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nShawn: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Lucas, open the back door so you can go puke.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLauren: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Shawn, go out the front!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n[Shawn tries his hardest to bypass removing the Charlie Bar and open the sliding door anyway].
\nLauren: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153SHAWN!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nShawn: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153LUCAS!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLauren: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153SHAWN!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nShawn: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153LUCAS!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nLauren: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153SHAWN!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\nShawn: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153LUCAS!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Again, you get the point.\u00c2\u00a0 Everyone else (Erin, Kerie, Daniel, and Kendal) is laughing uncontrollably, excluding Lauren (who did eventually laugh about it\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6the next morning).\u00c2\u00a0 The story ends \u00e2\u20ac\u201c at least the official version anyway; see me for the unedited version \u00e2\u20ac\u201c with Shawn comatose on the back steps, Lauren locking the door on us, and then Shawn collapsing in the guest bed because that was \u00e2\u20ac\u0153his\u00e2\u20ac\u009d bed.<\/p>\n

We tried to be 19 again and we semi-succeeded, yet somehow failed miserably.\u00c2\u00a0 And I have to say, this has been the one of the roughest weeks of my life, as I am now in Day 4 of my hangover.\u00c2\u00a0 I am officially back on the wagon.\u00c2\u00a0 At least until Saturday anyway.<\/p>\n

Time to Close the Flap<\/strong>
\nMatt: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I thought you already have a tent?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Calm down, ya\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll.\u00c2\u00a0 Worm has a big red tent.\u00c2\u00a0 He erected that S.O.B. in his parking lot in a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153celebration of his greatness.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Worm, just don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t forget it.\u00c2\u00a0 That wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be prudent.<\/p>\n

See ya\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll Saturday.<\/p>\n

R.L.<\/p>\n

\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

FYI, Issue 2 has apparently been lost forever; I do have a vague memory of it being very contrived in a lax attempt to match the revolutionary direction of the pilot issue. A few comments on Issue 3, below: 1. Remember when Chuck was still The Chest rather than The Clown and Football Jesus reigned … Continue reading TNL Countdown to Football, Part 3<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-58","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/18"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=58"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=58"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=58"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=58"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}