{"id":57,"date":"2006-08-18T13:03:14","date_gmt":"2006-08-18T17:03:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/section30.com\/?p=57"},"modified":"2006-08-18T13:03:14","modified_gmt":"2006-08-18T17:03:14","slug":"tnl-countdown-to-football-part-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/section30.com\/?p=57","title":{"rendered":"TNL Countdown to Football, Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"

Volume 1, TNL Special Report<\/strong>
\nAugust 2003
\nRaleigh<\/strong><\/p>\n

I still remember when I first found out about this.\u00c2\u00a0 I was in Raleigh on the Crabtree Valley Parking Deck project and staying in my old room at Shawn & Lauren’s for the week.\u00c2\u00a0 I logged on to check my email that afternoon and saw a flurry — nay, fury –\u00c2\u00a0of emails about something Ben had said.\u00c2\u00a0 I just remember being remarkably upset, like someone had despicably stolen my last shred of youthful naivete; I realized in that very\u00c2\u00a0moment that things would never be the same.\u00c2\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

This actually spawned the infamous explicative-ridden tirade of an email that graced the refridgerator door at Ben’s old house.\u00c2\u00a0 That email, to my knowledge, has been lost to the ages, probably for the best.\u00c2\u00a0 I think it’s funny looking back on how we used to think and how much we change over time (remember when Jacob was smaller than Ben?); I used to get so upset over the thought of anyone not renewing their LTRs, of football not being the central part of all our lives, but now I have a hard time justifying keeping them myself.\u00c2\u00a0 People may not change, but priorities do, forcing people to evolve.\u00c2\u00a0 This could now be appropriately titled “The Way We Were.”<\/em><\/p>\n

It’s important to note, also, that Ben never did re-acquire his decision-making abilities.<\/em>\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

RALEIGH \u00e2\u20ac\u201c Wire reports indicated on Thursday that Ben Crawford would not be attending the first home game nor would he be tailgating that day.\u00c2\u00a0 These reports were eventually confirmed, but what was still in question was the reasoning behind Crawford\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s apparent need for truancy.<\/p>\n

Initial rumors indicated that Crawford was not \u00e2\u20ac\u0153looking forward to a game versus a team that his high school team [Asheville-Reynolds] could beat.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 These rumors were further compounded by an inside source revealing an email indicating that his girlfriend, Elizabeth Miller, had removed his manhood and then repealed his decision making abilities.<\/p>\n

Ben had ankle surgery last week, and early reports indicated that he might have had \u00e2\u20ac\u0153other parts\u00e2\u20ac\u009d surgically removed as well.\u00c2\u00a0 Attempts to reach Ben by phone were unsuccessful; apparently, Elizabeth has revoked his phone privileges as well.<\/p>\n

The email stated: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Looks like I may not be attending the Western game.\u00c2\u00a0 I gotta make amends for having a personal nurse this past week.\u00c2\u00a0 If ya\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll know of anyone that would be interested in some tickets, let me know.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

The backlash from the initial rumors was severe: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Un-[explicative]-believable,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d said one member.\u00c2\u00a0 Another reply to this email was as follows: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I know someone who would like them.\u00c2\u00a0 He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s about 6\u00e2\u20ac\u2122-3\u00e2\u20ac\u009d-ish with a Leprechaun tattoo on his arm.\u00c2\u00a0 His name is Ben.\u00c2\u00a0 He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a really cool guy.\u00c2\u00a0 Not even close to being the [explicative] you are.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 Another email reply said: \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t wait till Lucas gets a hold of this.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 Unfortunately, the nature of the content of Lucas’ email prevented this newsletter from printing it in its entirety, but the following reveals the overall nature of the email:<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Ben, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re [explicative] dead to me.\u00c2\u00a0 Dead\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m so ashamed\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6this isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t funny\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6this is a perfect example of what happens to guys who won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t drink real beer\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve weakened a nation today\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

Special Deputy Assistant to the President, L.D. Williams said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153This is exactly the type of scandal that can topple a tailgating conference.\u00c2\u00a0 No one is immune.\u00c2\u00a0 No one.\u00c2\u00a0 We have our own investigations ongoing as to what has really happened.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

Apparently, Tailgating President and CEO, Dr. R.L. Bentley, III, MD, PhD was fearful of a leak and immediately began spin control to maintain the Conference\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s \u00e2\u20ac\u0153credibility.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 Investigations are ongoing into the parts of the email that were destroyed, as it was originally believed that a cover-up at the highest level was taking place.\u00c2\u00a0 An inside source revealed that the original email included the phrases \u00e2\u20ac\u0153So what we have to do now is damage control\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153We just have to get our stories straight.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

If it turns out that these charges are substantiated, then Crawford would be in serious violation of Rule 23.42(F).\u00c2\u00a0 No one knows exactly what punishment a violation of 23.42(F) entails because the Legislation Committee of the Tailgating Conference, led by the COO, J.R. Crawford, does not make the rules public so that he and Bentley can dole out punishments at their own recourse to suit their own agendas.\u00c2\u00a0 An inside source close to the COO though, said \u00e2\u20ac\u0153the punishment would be harsh.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d\u00c2\u00a0 Apparently, the maximum penalty is reserved for scheduling a wedding on the day of the Carolina game, which is unforgivable.\u00c2\u00a0 Missing a game \u00e2\u20ac\u0153because your girlfriend won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t let you go\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is on the same level.<\/p>\n

But in a strange twist of events early Friday morning, as it turns out, no rules violation has occurred or will occur, apparently.\u00c2\u00a0 The initial rumors for the reason of his expected absence proved to be groundless and unsubstantiated.\u00c2\u00a0 A high-ranking Tailgating Conference official, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said that the true reason Crawford will miss the Western Carolina game is because he will be on a top secret assignment in the Middle East, leading a small team of special operatives on a highly dangerous mission.\u00c2\u00a0 The specifics of this mission are unknown and the location is undisclosed.\u00c2\u00a0 “The emails were a part of his cover story.”<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We are very proud of Ben,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the official stated, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153and we are appalled that such groundless rumors were created in an attempt to destroy the integrity of this great conference.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\n\u00c2\u00a0
\nAs always, The TNL will stay on top of this story as it develops.\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00c2\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Volume 1, TNL Special Report August 2003 Raleigh I still remember when I first found out about this.\u00c2\u00a0 I was in Raleigh on the Crabtree Valley Parking Deck project and staying in my old room at Shawn & Lauren’s for the week.\u00c2\u00a0 I logged on to check my email that afternoon and saw a flurry … Continue reading TNL Countdown to Football, Part 2<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-57","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/18"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=57"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=57"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=57"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/section30.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=57"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}