Week 4 Picks

Time is short this week, so we’ll go rapid fire.

San Francisco +7 over Kansas City: Kansas City sucks.

San Diego -2.5 over Baltimore: Would Jesus ever lose to a murderer? Didn’t think so.

Nawlins +7 over Carolina: No reason for Carolina to lose this game, but 7 is a lot of points. I’m not quite buying into the Saints yet, but the Panthers shouldn’t be giving 7 to anyone.

Minnesota +1 over Buffalo

Miami -3.5 over Houston: The Texans suck.

Indy -9 over NYJ: This line is way low. The Colts could score 35 in this one.

Tennessee +9.5 over Dallas: It’s been a long week for the Cowboys. I think the Titans keep it close.

Atlanta -7.5 over Arizona: Dunn has a big day running through Arizona’s sieve like defense.

St. Louis -5.5 over Detroit: The Lions are bad. St. Louis offense gets on track this week.

Cincinnati -6 over New England: Something isn’t right in Foxboro. The Patriots will only make the playoffs this year by default.

Jax -3 over Washington: Brunell may find Jacksonville’s defense a touch more difficult to navigate than Houston’s.

Cleveland -2.5 over Oakland: Oakland is bad. Cleveland look tough against Bmore for 30 minutes last week.

Chicago -2.5 over Seattle: Not without Alexander. Maybe not even with him.

Philly -11 over Green Bay: Fiver years ago it would’ve been suicide to go against Favre on Monday Night. Now, it’s almost a layup.

Lead Pipe Locks: Indy, Cleveland, St. Louis, Jacksonville

Week 3 Picks

There has never been a better example of why we love the NFL than could be experienced last weekend. In week one we were full of hope for the new season that’s to be filled with fantasy football championships and wheelbarrows full of cash from offshore gambling websites. Well, that’s not even close to what transpired. The weekend ended with an 0-2 fantasy record and me making yet another deposit into by BetUS.com account.

Then the tide turned. Week 2 saw an explosion of fortune for the kid as he pouned out wins in both fantasy leagues and managed to hit a 3 team teaser.

So here we are, at Week 3 with the Worm hitting his stride. Hitch your wagon while you can, we can only go up from here.

NYJ +5.5 over BUFFALO: The Bills were impressive last week, but they aren’t good enough to be giving 5.5 to anyone.

Cincinnati +2 over PITTSBURGH: The Steelers just didn’t look good in Week 2. Big Ben looked shaky against the Jags and the Bengals are no slouches. The Bengals also have motivation, they’ll be looking for some revenge after last year’s playoff loss.

INDY -7 over Jacksonville: I think Peyton and the Colts get really lucky here. They catch the Jags in the Dome in what could very well be a hangover game after the Jag’s coming out party on Monday night.

Tennessee +11 over MIAMI: Is there a more over-rated team in the league right now than Miami? Well, besides the Panthers. At least the Panther’s aren’t laying 11. I don’t want to say Miami’s in the tank, but Dolphin fans are about a week away from begging for Joey Harrington.

Washington -4 over HOUSTON: The man has 2 Super Bowl rings, the highest paid coaching staff in history, and he’s only giving 4 to Houston, a team that’s given up 67 points in 2 games? Anyone have Mark Rypien’s number handy?

Chicago -3.5 over MINNESOTA: Minnesota’s O Line showed some weakness last week against the Panthers. This week they’ll play a team that good enough to exploit it.

Carolina -3 over TAMPA BAY: Honestly I have no clue. The mitigating factor in this one has to be Chris Simms, who’s suddenly morphed into an old Brett Favre.

Green Bay +6.5 over DETROIT: Signs of life from #4 last week. I think he finds a way to get it done in Detroit this week, take the Packers straight up in this one.

Baltimore -6.5 over CLEVELAND: BMore has been very efficient this year. They’ve given up only one trash time TD and are able to put up points this year. That, and Cleveland still sucks.

Arizona -4.5 over St. Louis: This is another that could go either way. I think this plays out a lot like last week’s game between the Rams and Niners. For what ever reason, the Rams just don’t have the offense anymore. The Cardinals should be able to put up enough points to put the St. Lunatics at 1-2.

New York Giants +3.5 over SEATTLE: Another upset pick. Seattle has had a hard time getting points this year and the Giants have the best defense that the Seadogs will have faced up to this point. The Giants are riding high after last weeks big comeback. Look for the Giants to take this one straight up.

Illadelph -6 over San Francisco: Here’s the one I don’t understand. Philly bounces back and beats the brakes off the Niners.

NEW ENGLAND -7 over Denver: I can’t figure Denver out. They haven’t been able to move the ball yet against two bad teams. I don’t think they’ll do it this week either. New England is 2-0, but no overly impressive in doing it. Tom Terriffic Strikes again.

ATLANTA -3.5 over New Orleans: I’ve heard numerous pundits picking the Saints in this one. It’s the first game back in the Superdome and it’s so great for the city of New Orleans. Too bad Atlanta doesn’t care about any of that. The Falcons have the best ground game in the L and haven’t given up a TD yet. The Saints just don’t have enough to get it done.

Lead Pipe Locks: Baltimore, Philly and Atlanta

Week 2 Picks

As the Captain so eloquently stated earlier in the week, I humped the dog and went 4-12 last week. However, I was 1-1 on my confidence picks. I’ll take that for week one. The first week is always rough, no matter what sport. Only a love for gambling would cause someone to be dumb enough to lay lumber during week one. All of that aside, I plan to launch the comeback this week. On to the picks. A lot of the favorites are playing at home this week causing a lot of big lines. Let’s see how it plays out.
Balitimore -11.5 over OAKLAND: I believe Sabo put it the best, “Stephen Hawking would make a better QB than Aaron Brooks.” The Ravens are 6-1 SU and ATS in their last 7 against the Raiders. Take the Ravens in a romp.

INDY -13 over Houston: The Colts had problems stopping the Giants on the ground, but Samkon Gado is no Tiki Barber. The Tejans couldn’t cover Donte Stallworth so I doubt they have an answer for Marvin and Reggie.

CINCY -10 over Cleveland: The Bengals put the hammer to the Cheifs without much help from Palmer. They’ll get it going this week at home.

Buffalo +6.5 over Miami: The Fish are 0 for their last 4 ATS against the Bills. If Buffalo’s D can cause problems for Tom Terrific, then they should have Saban ready to kill Culpepper by the 3rd quarter.

Detroit +9 over CHICAGO: The Bears win this one, but Detroit is decent enough to keep it close.

Carolina -1 over MINNESOTA: This one will be interesting. Based on Week 1, the Vikes should roll, but you can’t bet against John Fox after a loss. No one circles the wagons like Coach Fox.

New York Giants +3 over Philly: The Eagles are 5-1 ATS against the Eagles over the past 3 years, but this game is almost a must win for the Giants. If they lose this one, they drop to 0-2 with a trip to Seattle looming. I think they find a way to win.

Tampa +5.5 over ATLANTA: Classic case of one team not being nearly as bad as they looked playing another team that isn’t anywhere near as good as they looked. Don’t let Week 1 fool you. The Bucs are 5-1 ATS in their last 6 at Atlanta.

Nawlins -2.5 over GREEN BAY: It’s gone get ugly.

St. Louis -3 over SAN FRANCISCO: The Niners have a good history ATS vs. the Rams, but the Rams defense looked stout. With Will Witherspoon clogging up the middle, they’ll keep Frank Gore under control. Take the Rams and lay the 3.

SEATTLE -7 over Arizona: Shaun Alexander gets it going against a defense that gave up 600 yards to Frank Gore. Seattle wins this one in a shoot out.

NYJ +6 over the Patriots: This is a tough one to call. The Patriots were dogs last week and the Jets looked good, but Kerry Collins is no Tom Brady. There’s also a distinct possibility that the Pats just aren’t as good as people think.

FOOTBALL JESUS -11 over Tennessee: Young Man Rivers makes his home debut against the Titans. With this schedule, he may not have to complete his 50th pass until sometime in October.

DENVER -10.5 over Kansas City: The Cheifs get shredded again this week while Herm Edwards starts wishing he was back in Jersey.

DALLAS -6 over Washington: Both teams lost their openers so the loser of this one goes 0-2 and puts themselves in a hole. The Cowboys should be able to move the ball better this week and I’m not sure if the Redskins offense can keep up. However, if the Skins can get to Bledsoe and force a few more interceptions, the Romo Watch will officially be on.

JAX +2 over Pittsburgh: Upset of the week. Both teams looked good last weekend, but I think this is the year Jax makes a statement. The offense looked solid against a decent Dallas defense and their defense has been good for a while. Meanwhile the Steelers still don’t know who’s going to start the game at QB. Also, the Jags are 8-2 ATS in their past 10 vs. the Steel Curtain, so they’ve got that going for them. Which is nice.

Lead Pipe Locks: Cincy, BMore, and NYJ

Week 1 Winners

It’s everyone’s favorite time of year. Gambling season. As a special gift to all of you, I’m going to post my picks for the week on this very site each and every week. That’s right, the self proclaimed greateast handicapper on Eastview Dr is going to open up his vault of football wisdom and allow you to get rich too. Please send check or money order for 25% of all winnings to my home address.

Miami +1 over the Steelers. Charlie Batch, Willie Parker, Santonio Holmes. Your 2006 Super Bowl Champions!!!

Atlanta +5 over the Panthers. The Panthers win this one at home, but with 89 banged up, it’ll be close.

Tampa -3 over B-more. Baltimore hasn’t fielded an offense since they were in Cleveland. No way this unit moves it on the Bucs.

New England -9 over Buffalo. Willis McGahee runs for 300 yards and Lee Evans catches 20 balls (a guy can dream, can’t he?) but the Bills find a way to lose. Big.

Kansas City -2 over Cincy. Cincinnattica’s run defense vs Grandmama at Arrowhead? Gotta go with the Chefs.

Denver -3.5 over St. Louis. To be honest, I have no idea on this one. On paper it’s not even close.

Cleveland -3 over New Orleans. Two crappy teams in a game no one cares about.

Tennessee -2.5 over NYJ. Two more crappy teams. Thanks to the scheduling department for starting the season out with a bang. The Kerry Collins led Titans get it done at home. At least I think. Ah, who the hell cares???

Philly -5.5 over Houston. Note to Mr. Lundy: You aren’t at Virginia, and those aren’t the Tarheels.

Seattle -6 over Detroit. Who cares if the Seahawks have no receivers? I could catch passes against the Lions.

Chicago -3.5 over Green Bay. It’s quite possible Nathan Vasher will finish this game tied for the team lead in receptions. Think about it.

Dallas +2 over Jacksonville. Can’t help but think that Dallas will be a lot better than people think. TO gives them 16 good games, and a playoff run.

Arizona -9 over San Francisco. The Cards will score a lot of points this year, but in all likelihood will give up a lot. Not this weekend.

Indy -3.5 over NYG. No one beats Peyton in September. No one.

Washington -4.5 over Minnesota. The Skins can’t be as bad as they’ve looked can they?

San Diego -3 over Oakland. Football Jesus vs. Aaron Brooks. Put the farm on it.

This week’s Gold Bullet Locks of the Week: Seattle and Chicago.

He Is Risen

On the third year, the football Jesus will be resurrected and lead the fortunate few to the promised land that is called the Super Bowl. Trumpets will sound, mountains will crumble and doubters will lay slain at the gates of Qualcomm Stadium. Do not be left behind.

Soccer

The United States has played 2 games and scored one goal. They wouldn’t have scored that one if Manu Ginobli’s twin brother hadn’t booted the ball into his own goal, and the US is supposed to be the 5th ranked team in the world?

Based on my extensive knowledge of soccer and my keen observation of the World Cup this far, I have come up with my own “Futbol Top 10”

1. Germany – They have home field advantage in the biggest soccer tournament there is, they must’ve had some kind of regular season.
2. Brazil – Because they usually win
3. Argentina – My boy Pablo was from Argentina and he was the best soccer player I’ve ever known. Then again I didn’t have many friends that played soccer, mostly because I didn’t enjoy licking balls or getting my ass kicked.
4. Czech Republic – They beat the US so they must be the best EVAR!!!1!
5. United States – U S A U S A U S A!!!!
6. UNC-CH Girls Team – Thanks Beautiful
7. The Atanta Braves – They’ve kicked the ball around with such proclivity this summer.
8. Wilkes Central High School
9. Sisters of the Poor
10. My 4 year old cousin’s YMCA team

Congratulations Wes Miller!!

We here at Section 30 would like to congratulate UNC’s Wes Miller on his newsworthy effort against the Miami Hurricanes on Saturday. While the Tarheels did suffer a humiliating defeat at the Dean Dome, the effect Miller had on the game was not missed by Wes’ hometown newspaper, the Charlotte Observer. The Observer took a minute off from it’s Panther’s coverage to break us off this nugget regarding Miller’s performance against the U.

Miller, who is 5-foot-10, faced a tough matchup with Miami’s Guillermo Diaz. Miller fought through screens on each possession to harass Diaz, who is bigger (6-2) and quicker. But Miller stole the ball once from the Miami guard, and played a season-high 28 minutes.

As the Observer notes, Miller was able to apply the clamps to Miami’s all ACC contender Guillermo Diaz, holding him to a paltry 24 points, including 4-7 from the bonus-sphere.

Miller’s shining moment came when he recorded his first steal. Ever. Late in the first half, Diaz attempted to perform and “off the hizzle” and bounce the ball off Miller’s forehead. Diaz missed Miller’s forehead and loged the ball halfway down Miller’s throat, causing a turn-over.

After the game, the low-key Miller was as modest as ever. Miller spoke of Diaz’s play throughout the game, and laid out his plan for stopping him. “He’s really quick, so what I tried to do was stay in front of him. When that didn’t work, I tried to fall on the floor and get my feet tangled up. No way that foul gets called in Chapel Hill.”

Miller sees his work against Diaz as a stepping stone and has set some lofty goals for the remainder of the season. “I hope to keep Redick under 40. That wouldn’t be too bad for a former walk-on,” Miller says with a smile.

No it wouldn’t, Wes. Not too bad at all.

NFL Week 8 Picks

It’s high time I started spreading the wealth around. Look under the couch coushins, sell your watch, mortgage your house and call your bookie.

It’s Big Worm’s NFL picks.

Before I give the picks this week I want to throw out the disclaimer that these are some of the worst lines I’ve ever seen. It’s almost like the boys in Vegas want us to lose.

Washington +3.5 over the GIANTS – This is going to be a close one. The Giants snuck past the Broncos and their comatose coach last weekend, I think their luck runs out on Sunday.

BENGALS -7.5 over Packers – Ahman Green, Javon Walker, and Robert Ferguson are hurt. Even the closet squatting back-up Najeh Davenport is down for this one. Meanwhile, the Bengals are reeling from their home loss to the Steelers last week. The Bengals take this one going away.

DETROIT -3 over Chicago – The Lions suck, but they are at home. They have a nice run defense and will force Kyle Orton to make some plays. Not sure it’s going to happen.

Minnesota +7 over the CAROLINA – The Panthers can’t stop anyone and their quarterback is color blind. I think the Panthers win, but it’s going to be close.

Oakland -2 over TENNESSEE – Straight Cash Homey

DALLAS -7.5 over Arizona – Adios Jose. Doesn’t matter who the QB is in Zona, they still can’t stop the Cowboys, even though half of their offense qualifies for a Senior Citizens discount.

Cleveland pk over HOUSTON – Here’s to chasing the dream. Lose this one and they’re halfway to 0-16.

Miami +2 over NAWLINS – I don’t know why, and I don’t care.

Jacksonville -3 over ST LOUIS – Jamie Martin Jamie Martin Jamie Martin Jamie Martin Jamie Martin Jamie Martin Jamie Martin Jamie Martin Jamie Martin Jamie Martin

SAN DIEGO -4.5 over Kansas City – The Chargers will cover, but not by much. If this were a perfect world, Drew Brees would break his leg and the Football Jesus would be resurrected to lead a heroic fourth quarter rally. As it stands, he’ll hold a clipboard and watch LT run.

SAN FRAN +10 over Tampa – No way the San Fran loses by double figures to Chris Simms. Alex Smith, for once in your life, step up and be somebody. Michael Clayton continues to single handedly kill fantasy football teams all over the world.

DENVER +3 over Philly – Jake and his moustache get it done against the Eagles this week. The Eagles have looked atrocious in their last few games. They’re one good Donovan McNabb sneeze away from being done for the season.

NEW ENGLAND -7 over Buffalo – I wonder what Bill Belichick’s record is all time against Kelly Holcomb-led teams is? My guess is 92-0. Make is 93.

PITTSBURGH -8.5 over Baltimore – The Raven’s haven’t lost a step since losing Boller. The transition from crappy quarterback to shitty quarterback has been nearly seamless.

Worm’s Employment Postulate

Worm’s Employment Postulate states that as the level of a person’s employment increases, the amount of free time on that person’s hands decreases. The inverse is also true. The less gainful employment a person possesses, the more time they have available to do, well, whatever.

A person with a fulfilling, successful career would have neither the time or the inclination to even check this site out.

Your average Joe (our control group) that has your average Job, may be mildy interested in checking out our little site and maybe even contributing on occasion.

Our third level is the person with either no Job, or not enough Job. Because this person has no career to speak of and no hopes of ever finding meaningful work, the only good we as society can expect from these people are astonishingly abstract yet meaningless theories and wonderfully planned tailgates, as evidenced below.

This also sheds some light into the ‘Bums are Fun’ Corrallary that shows if a person cannot contribute to society in a meaningful way, that person should use their time to entertain the working public.